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From Alcohol Abuse to Restoration: Josh’s Story
Introduction
My name is Josh, and this is my true story. At a young age, I experimented with marijuana, started moving illegals and drugs, and I wanted to be part of that group that had people fear them and respect them. I started breaking into places just for the rush. I smoked weed and drank alcohol before, during, and after everything I did.
I ended up getting in a fight, and I could really feel God speaking to me, asking me if I was done living this way, if I was sick and tired of this life. He was telling me I was going to end up dead or in prison for the rest of my life. So I told God: get me out of this, and I will surrender. I'll give Him my life.
Growing Up Angry
I'm a small guy. I was always the smallest person everywhere I went. Growing up as a smaller person, you're going to get mocked and laughed at. I did my best not to let it bother me, but it always did.
This ball of fire just grew inside me, and eventually you're not looking at people with love—you're looking at people with hate in your eyes. When people were laughing at me, I learned to turn the laughter on someone else or turn it back on the person insulting me. This pattern followed me through my life.
Early Faith and First Compromises
Growing up in the church, I got saved at a young age—I think I was six years old. It was the thing to do, and everyone was doing it. In that church environment, you develop this belief that you can do anything you want, God's going to love you no matter what, and if you ask for forgiveness, everything's okay.
It became like a game to me—seeing what I could get away with without people knowing. I started shoplifting and doing what made me feel good. At a young age, I experimented with marijuana and started drinking. That feeling of being liked, accepted, having strength, and being funny just pleased my senses. I wanted more of it.
Little did I know, I was on the verge of becoming an alcoholic at a young age. By 15, I was drinking whenever I could, and I left the house at about 17.
The Descent into Crime
I used to go over to Mexico to get Mexican candy and start selling that in high school. It didn't take long before I realized there's more money in drugs. I started selling heavier drugs, making more money, and then I started moving illegal immigrants and drugs.
People around me started warning me: "Josh, you're getting yourself into a situation that could ultimately ruin your life, take your life from you. Who knows where you could end up?" I didn't care. I saw easy money and popularity.
I started breaking into places just for the rush, just to get more alcohol. Long story short, I ended up doing time for that. Just after turning 18, I got locked up and did a year. I was scared out of my mind—that's when I realized what kind of world I was actually in and what I had gotten myself into.
A Brief Season of Hope
After I did my time, I ended up getting married. I got a job at the fire department and was doing really good. I bought a house and had my first son.
I've always been short because of a bone disease I have, and I dealt with a lot of pain. I used that as an excuse to drink alcohol. I was drinking until I didn't feel pain, until I passed out, until I could sleep. It slowly started consuming my life.
I smoked weed and drank alcohol before, during, and after everything I did, still calling myself a Christian.
The Unraveling
I thought I had a happy marriage for ten years, but the lust for other women became a problem. Porn started becoming a problem. With the alcohol addiction, it's crazy how it started connecting me with other sins and things I normally would never have done or even thought of.
My marriage crumbled because I wasn't putting God first. She left me and took my kids. The whole time I was blaming her, refusing to blame the alcohol. I started drinking more because the depression kicked in. I had lost everything because of alcohol, and instead of stopping drinking, I drank more.
This was the point in my life where it spiraled out of control, beyond my control. I wasn't suicidal—I just didn't care if I lived or died anymore.
The Downward Spiral
I wasn't trying to fix my marriage or get sober. It started affecting my work ethic, and I started losing jobs because of my drinking. I got out of the fire department, went back to construction, and instead of drinking nights and weekends, I started drinking during the day.
I was so bad I was waking up in the middle of the night with the shakes, having to do a couple shots just so I could sleep, then having to do shots just to get out the door to go to work. I was taking alcohol with me and drinking on job sites.
I'd get a job and lose it, get another job and lose it. This became a pattern. I would have one drink and go right back into it. I got to a point where I was digging myself a hole so deep, I didn't know how to get out of it.
The depression was worse than the alcohol. I was just numb to life around me.
Miraculous Survival
I've been in some severe accidents that should have taken my life. On my Harley, I was doing about 90, coming from a bar. A car merged into me, and I flipped over the vehicle and tumbled down the freeway. The doctors stood there saying, "We don't know how you're alive. It's not physically possible. You shouldn't be here."
I was just a mess, crying and missing my boys. Everywhere I looked, I saw pictures of them. I'd hear a song and lose it, bawling like a baby. The worst pain you can do to a person is remove them from their kids.
Twenty-Eight Years of Bondage
I think it was 28 years I was hooked on drugs and alcohol. My dad was telling me about East County Transitional Living Center—they have this men's ranch where I could go and get away from the world for a while. I still had this attitude of "No, I can do this on my own. I know what I'm doing."
The Breaking Point
I ended up getting in a fight with a bunch of other guys. I could really feel God speaking to me, asking if I was done living this way, if I was sick and tired of this life. He was asking me, “Are these people really your friends and family?” He told me I was going to end up dead or in prison for the rest of my life.
I remember thinking about grabbing my knife and was going to stab one of the guys. As I reached for my knife, something stopped my hand. Now I was getting hit from all directions, getting kicked. I just remember telling myself: "Don't go down to the ground. Get out of this fight. Leave everything. Get away from the city, from these people. Just leave everything you know."
The Moment of Surrender
So I told God: "Get me out of this, and I will surrender. I'll give Him my life." It was like the longest 5 or 10 minutes of my life—everything was in slow motion. But what's funny is I couldn't feel anything. I was getting hit and kicked, but nothing hurt. I felt peace because I felt like God was carrying me out of this situation.
I finally got to the street and got away from this group of people. I was walking down the road when my dad's voice came into my head about this ranch. I ducked into a parking lot, got down on my knees, and poured out to God and surrendered. People were looking at me like, "What is this guy doing?" My hair was messed up, my face was beat up, and I'm on my knees praying to God.
I said, "Okay, I'm ready, Lord. I surrender. I'm Yours. I don't want nothing of this world. All this is just stuff. I don't care about anything else." I called my dad, he came and picked me up, and brought me to ECTLC.
The Transformation Begins
That's when God started transforming everything, and it wasn't overnight. I was still cussing like a sailor, but I knew I had to come to God first, not change then come to God. So I came to God, and He started changing my heart. He started turning all this hate and anger into love.
There's this peace that came with it, and I still carry this peace with me today. Nothing overwhelms me except talking in public, but I feel like someone has to hear this story. I hope this gets to somebody because I lost all hope and didn't think I could get out of this pit that I dug myself into. I thought I was just too far gone.
But God's hand was down there in this pit the whole time. All I had to do was reach up and grab it. When I did, all that weight was just taken off my shoulders.
Rebuilding Through Scripture
I started reading the Bible for the first time. As I was going through the Bible and getting those moments, my life started getting put back together and making sense. I was just full of gratitude, and that was the key to my recovery—that first year was gratitude.
My parents never gave up on me. God never gave up on me. I got blessed when they offered me a position here at ECTLC, and now I'm almost three years sober. I've been working here for almost three years now.
It's a blessing to go from broken to peaceful, from hate to love. I look at everyone the same now.
Advice for Others in Similar Struggles
In my situation, I had to leave everything that was involved. I had to leave those people, those scenarios, all those old memories. Going to the ranch was that ideal place—getting away from all those distractions, all that stuff that triggers you, because it's so easy to run back to those addictions.
Really, really focus on God and building that relationship. Worship, gratitude for creation, appreciating the little things—the breeze, the birds chirping, things I wouldn't have been able to hear if I was in a cell.
Gratitude is what got me through that year of rebuilding myself, realizing that God created me. There's nothing else like me, and I'm beautiful in His eyes. So it doesn't matter what anyone says about me or thinks about me, because I'm beautiful in God's eyes. He made me specifically unique.
Keeping my eyes on God, worship, and gratitude was definitely huge.